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I hope you didn't take the thing about "True Confessions" seriously. I'm already in enough trouble with my Father-in-Law because of an incident when he saw me scratching myself in public and now he hangs out down stairs with a baseball bat because he wants to use my head for batting practice; he says I besmirched the family's reputation. How he figures beating me up with a baseball bat will improve his already badly tarnished image is beyond me but the fact is that I can't leave this place unless I sneak out. I tried it once by going through the underground escape route that Plagiarists Anonymous has set up, but that leads to the sewer system. Anyway the real news is something completely different. It regards The Head Ed. Did you know he can't even read? The only reason he wields any power around here is that he has the keys to the Cooked Cereal Division Headquarters and to the other mainstay of our vast operation, The Sock Matching Division! But the said truth is that
I'm sure good old Arden has blabbed the fact all over the place that I caught on to this, but Arden is easily dealt with. He may have biceps bigger than my beer gut, but he carries his brain around in a thimble in his shirt pocket.
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